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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28939752">I'll Be Your Reason Why</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychotic_fangirl369/pseuds/psychotic_fangirl369'>psychotic_fangirl369</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arthur Finds Out About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Arthur Pendragon Lives (Merlin), Canon Era, Episode: s05e12-13 The Diamond of the Day, Forehead Kisses, Hugs, M/M, Magic Revealed, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin), Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Post-Episode: s05e13 The Diamond of the Day, and arthur gives him one</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 03:53:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,012</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28939752</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychotic_fangirl369/pseuds/psychotic_fangirl369</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m afraid I won’t be coming with you,” Merlin said, turning to face Arthur.<br/>Arthur stared at him, his brow furrowed with confusion. A flicker of hurt fluttered through his eyes and Merlin felt on the verge of tears as he saw the betrayed look on his friends face.<br/>“Not this time,” Merlin continued, even as he felt like the world was crashing down around him. “I’m sorry.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>A rewrite of the scene where Merlin tells Arthur he won't be going to Camlann with him, except he decides to tell Arthur the truth about why.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin &amp; Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>471</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Merthur Fics</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'll Be Your Reason Why</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<p>“I’m afraid I won’t be coming with you,” Merlin said, turning to face Arthur.</p>
<p>Arthur stared at him, his brow furrowed with confusion. A flicker of hurt fluttered through his eyes and Merlin felt on the verge of tears as he saw the betrayed look on his friends face.</p>
<p>“Not this time,” Merlin continued, even as he felt like the world was crashing down around him. “I’m sorry.” It’s on the tip of his tongue to continue. He had his excuse prepared. <em>I have an errand to run for Gaius. Vital supplies that I can’t obtain here. </em>He knew he should say it. The broken look on Arthur’s face couldn’t get any worse. But the words caught in his throat and he couldn’t push them out. So he fell silent.</p>
<p>Arthur continued to stare at him in disbelief and hurt. Merlin forced himself not to look away, even though he felt like he was about to break down and cry at any moment. Arthur looked down at the parchment in his hands and shook his head, before meeting Merlin’s gaze again.</p>
<p>“it’s fine. I understand,” Arthur said. “You know, Merlin, all those jokes about you being a coward. I never really meant any of them. I always thought you were the bravest man I ever met.” He paused for a moment, before turning away from Merlin and saying, “I guess I was wrong.”</p>
<p>Merlin stared after him as Arthur walked across the room. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t part from Arthur like this, not knowing if he would ever see Arthur again.</p>
<p>“Morgana has been looking for someone for years,” he said hurriedly, before he could stop himself.</p>
<p>Arthur paused and turned back to face Merlin. Merlin swallowed and forced himself to continue.</p>
<p>“A warlock who goes by the name Emrys. It’s said that he is the most powerful sorcerer ever to walk the earth. He’s also destined to kill Morgana. She’s petrified of him.”</p>
<p>“What has this got to do with anything? How do you even know this?” Arthur asked.</p>
<p>Merlin ignored the second question. “Everything. It has everything to do with this. With Camlann. Emrys is an ally of Camelot. He’s been protecting you and Camelot for years.”</p>
<p>“Why would a sorcerer protect a kingdom and a king who would execute him?” Arthur interrupted sceptically.</p>
<p>Merlin cleared his throat. “Because he believes in <em>you. </em>There is a prophecy about you, Arthur. About how you would grow to be the greatest king, the king who will unite Albion and bring peace and prosperity. Emrys believes in this destiny. He believes in you and cares for you and has spent years protecting you. Morgana knows this. Emrys has thwarted her attempts to take Camelot and kill you many times. But she could never do anything about it because she didn’t know who Emrys was. Emrys is just the name the druids gave the sorcerer, but it isn’t his true name. Since Morgana didn’t know Emrys’ true identity, she could never defeat him.” Merlin paused and took a deep breath. He felt weak and shaky. He could hardly believe he was doing this. Confessing these things to Arthur. Telling him the truth <em>at last. </em></p>
<p>“Mordred was a druid and now he is working with Morgana,” Merlin continued softly.</p>
<p>He blinked back tears and met Arthur’s gaze again. He was pleased to see the king no longer looked hurt or betrayed, only confused and mildly intrigued.</p>
<p>Merlin blinked, before he started talking again. “He knew Emrys’ true identity and he told her.”</p>
<p>“So Morgana knows who this Emrys is,” Arthur said slowly.</p>
<p>Merlin nodded. “She’s stolen his magic, Arthur. She’s taken it from him so that he can’t help you at Camlann. Without Emrys, you will be vulnerable. You have no defence against her magic. And Arthur, she has a dragon. Emrys is said to be a Dragon Lord, as well. You need him.”</p>
<p>“What do you have to do with any of this? How do you even know any of this?” Arthur asked again.</p>
<p>Merlin gulped. “I have to take Emrys to the Crystal Cave, the birth place of magic. It’s the only chance he has of getting his magic back and helping you at Camlann.”</p>
<p>Arthur nodded. Merlin watched his face closely and saw that Arthur didn’t look angry or dismayed by Merlin consorting with magic users. In fact, he didn’t look surprised by it at all.</p>
<p>“I once told my father I thought I had a guardian angel,” Arthur mused. “I suppose it was this Emrys.”</p>
<p>Merlin felt his cheeks redden at being called Arthur’s guardian angel.</p>
<p>“Of course we must help Emrys regain his magic. It’s important and, if what you say is true and he has been helping Camelot all this time, then we need him.” Arthur moved closer to Merlin. “But send someone else. Not you. You need to come with me.”</p>
<p>“It has to be me,” Merlin interjected.</p>
<p>“No,” Arthur said firmly. “We’ll send a knight. Gwaine or Percival. They can take Emrys to the Crystal Cave. But you are staying with me and that’s final.”</p>
<p>Merlin closed his eyes and breathed heavily. This was it. He had to tell Arthur the final bit of the puzzle, because otherwise Arthur would never let him go. He just hopped that he didn’t lose his best friend in the process.</p>
<p>“Arthur, it has to be me,” Merlin repeated.</p>
<p>“Why?” Arthur begged brokenly. “Why can’t you come with me? Why can’t you be by my side, like you have been all these years?”</p>
<p>“Because I’m the sorcerer,” Merlin whispered, too afraid to meet Arthur’s gaze. “I’m Emrys. I need to get my magic back, otherwise I can’t protect you.”</p>
<p>There was silence. Merlin sniffed and forced himself to look up into Arthur’s eyes. The king was staring at him with a carefully blank expression.</p>
<p>“No,” Arthur said suddenly. “You’re not a sorcerer, Merlin. I would know.”</p>
<p>Merlin winced. “I am. I am, Arthur. I have magic. And I use it for you. Only for you. And I need to get it back, otherwise I can’t help you. Please, Arthur. I need you to trust me. It’s never been more important.”</p>
<p>Arthur continued to stare at him. Merlin moved towards him, but Arthur held up a hand. Merlin froze, swallowed. “Arthur,” he whispered brokenly.</p>
<p>“Go. Go to the cave and do what you must,” Arthur said, and his voice sounded shattered. “We’ll talk about how you’ve lied to me all these years later, after the battle.”</p>
<p>Merlin had to bite back the words, <em>There might not be a later. </em>He swallowed and turned away from Arthur, walking towards the door. He paused with his fingers on the handle and looked over his shoulder at Arthur, who was staring at the floor, his face hidden from Merlin’s gaze.</p>
<p>“You’re my best friend, Arthur. I’ve only ever done what I had to do to protect you.”</p>
<p>Arthur didn’t say anything and Merlin nearly left dejectedly. But at the last second, Arthur raised his head and met Merlin’s gaze.</p>
<p>“I know,” he said simply.</p>
<p>Merlin nodded once, then left the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur stared down at the speech he was writing. He let out a frustrated groan. This was harder than he thought it would be, especially without Merlin’s help.</p>
<p>Merlin.</p>
<p>It was several weeks after the great battle at Camlann. Merlin had managed to get his magic back and had rendered the knights of Camelot speechless as he fought alongside them and, ultimately, defeated Morgana. He’d even saved Arthur’s life, managing to kill Mordred a second before he could fatally wound Arthur.</p>
<p>The weeks since they’d returned to Camelot had been busy. There were funeral pyres constantly burning and the injured to deal with. Arthur had council meeting after council meeting and he and his knights had had to journey to the villages that had been struck by Morgana and her army to see what repairs needed doing. Merlin had been by his side for all of it, just like always. They had bantered and joked, and even though there was a tension between them that wasn’t usually there, they at least had a semblance of normal between them.</p>
<p>They still hadn’t discussed Merlin’s magic. Arthur had gotten over the initial shock and betrayal of being lied to all these years. Things had formed together in his mind. Quests that never should have succeeded, impossible creatures defeated, miracle recoveries from injuries that should have killed him. And yet, Arthur could not bring himself to talk to Merlin about any of it. He’d never been very good at <em>feelings. </em>And so, instead of talking about it, Arthur had decided to show him.</p>
<p>Arthur reread his speech. Lifting the ban on magic seemed like a good way to show Merlin he was okay with his magic, right? Arthur hoped so. Tomorrow he would present the proposition to the council. He had no doubt they would agree. Everyone had seen Merlin use magic at Camlann and no one had question Arthur’s decision to let Merlin remain as his manservant instead of executing him as law decreed.</p>
<p>The door to his chambers slammed open and Merlin stumbled in, tripping over air and crashing into the table. He rightened himself, and strolled over to Arthur with determination on his face.</p>
<p>“We have to talk,” he said, stopping in front of Arthur’s desk.</p>
<p>Arthur sat back in his chair and raised his eyebrows at Merlin. “Do we? I’m the king, <em>Mer</em>lin. You don’t tell me what to do.”</p>
<p>“I always have,” Merlin retorted. “I’m not going to change now.”</p>
<p>Arthur sighed softly. “I don’t want you to change. I want you to always be you.”</p>
<p>Merlin stared at him blankly, so Arthur stood up and made his way around the table, stopping in front of his friend. He reached out and placed a hand on Merlin’s shoulder, squeezing once, before thinking <em>sod it </em>and pulling Merlin into a hug. Merlin squealed and was frozen for a moment, before hugging Arthur back tightly, almost desperately. They stood there in silence for several long moments, wrapped up in each other and holding the other in a way they had never done before.</p>
<p>“Does this mean you aren’t going to execute me?” Merlin whispered in Arthur’s ear.</p>
<p>Arthur’s arms tightened around him. “You <em>idiot,” </em>he seethed. “Of course I’m not going to execute you.”</p>
<p>Arthur stepped back. Merlin reached after him, seemingly reluctant to stop hugging but Arthur side stepped him and plucked his unedited speech from his desk.</p>
<p>“This was supposed to be a surprise, but you had to go and ask stupid questions, didn’t you, Merlin.”</p>
<p>He thrust the speech into Merlin’s hands, and then leant against his desk, folded his arms and watched as Merlin read the words on the parchment. Arthur knew the moment Merlin realized what the speech was about because he let out a quiet gasp and dropped the page, lifting his big blue eyes to meet Arthur’s. His bottom lip trembled.</p>
<p>“Really?” he asked desperately. “Arthur. Really?”</p>
<p>Arthur rolled his eyes. “Don’t be such a girl, Merlin.” Then he cleared his throat. “There isn’t an evil bone in your body and if you aren’t evil, I’m sure there are hundreds of other magic users out there who aren’t either. My father was wrong. And from now on, magic will be judged by the crimes the user commits rather than the act of simply having magic. I don’t want anyone to have to hide as you have done. It isn’t right.”</p>
<p>Tears welled in Merlin’s eyes and he lunged forward, wrapping his arms tightly around Arthur. Arthur chuckled and hugged him back. <em>I’ve created a monster, </em>he thought to himself. He’d allowed one hug and now he was no doubt destined to spend the rest of his life getting wrapped up in Merlin’s arms. As he squeezed his friend more tightly against his chest and kissed the top of Merlin’s head once, before pressing another kiss to Merlin’s temple, Arthur couldn’t bring himself to mind.</p>
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